Saturday, August 18, 2012

Dragon Quest VIII quotes and quotations

For most who don't come upon this via search engine, this post should be skipped.

One of the more enjoyable entertainment experiences I've had over the last decade or so was a playing through of the PlayStation II SquareEnix game, Dragon Quest VIII: Journey of the Cursed King, as my reflections on the game clearly attest. A lot of nostalgia there, and as longtime readers will have noticed, I have a neotenous streak. At some point after doing so it came to my attention that, inexplicably, there was no cache of quotes from the title to be found anywhere on the internet.

Sounds like as good an excuse as any for playing through again, and over the last several months, I did just that. Below are the fruits of this true labor of love. The inclusions are of course arbitrary and non-exhaustive. They're presented in roughly the order they are uttered throughout the narrative's progression. A heavy dose comes from intra-party chatting. And yes, Angelo is my favorite character, so consequently, to Yangus' insatiable chagrin, the game's resident Adonis gets the largest helping.


"Findin' people is my 'piece de resistance', as they say!"

"Awright, so there might be a few more monsters, but a real man don't need to worry about that!"

"I can't stand bein' all wet like this. Feels like I've 'ad an accident or somefin'!" (in the Waterfall Cave)

"I'm no good when it comes to sob stories like that. I'll need a good ol' bawl to get it out of me system when I get a bit o' time on me own later." (upon hearing of Allistair's fate)


"[Jessica's] a bit wild, that one. More trouble than she's worth, if you ask me."

"The story of 'ow me an' the guv fell in together is an epic tale, full o' laughter, thrills, and tears..."

"I shoulda known a bird wouldn't get a story like ours, guv."

"Do we really 'ave to let that Jessica along? You know what birds are like. Always moanin' about bein' tired and their feet achin'. They're a right pain! To be 'onest, I'd much rather it just be us three blokes, but there you go."

"Churches are good for 'avin a snooze, an' pubs are good for 'avin some booze!"

"If I don't stop off at a water' 'ole after I've been climbin', me legs seize up. Nah! I'm only a giraffe! Y'know, a laugh! I just fancied goin' to the pub is all."

"It 'ardly needs sayin', but I'd want you there too, guv! Standin' next to the stove, maybe!" (on living in a quaint house)

"I can't think no more! It does me 'ead in!"

"The bloke's a serious nutter! But 'is days are numbered! He's got me narked now!" (about Dhoulmagus)

"I can smell blood in the air. You an' Jessica ain't got much experience o' this kinda thing, guv. Leave it to me if things get ugly, awright?"

"Awright! Sweet! Nice! Diamond! ... I'm right fired up now, guv! Ready for action!"

"It's all part of a man's sense of adventure, eh? Believin' in stupid fairy tales and tryin' to prove they're true!"

"Just stick behind me if any ugly-lookin' monsters show their faces. They won't get past ol' Yangus!"

"We forgot to bring any grub wiv us! No point sittin' down if we ain't got nuffin' to eat!"

"The outside o' me might 'ave got a bit bulkier, but the old grey stuff's still as small as ever. So... I ain't got a clue about nuffin'." (on how to go about charging the Mirror of Ra, if memory serves)

"I ain't exactly a looker meself. I know what it's like to be discriminated against."

"People round 'ere don't care where ya come FROM, they care about wot ya come WIV!" (on Medea being horsenapped in Pickham)

"Travellin' round wiv you certainly broadens me, mind, guv. It's diamond!"

"Love a duck! Stone the crows! Blimey O'Riley! What the 'ell happened back there!?" (on the legendary ship rising to the sea)

"It's action we need, not speeches!"

"There's somefin' about bein' in a church that makes me feel all uncomfy, like. I can't help but feel the Goddess is judgin' me."

"We ain't gonna let [grandad an' the 'orse princess] down. We're men, awright, not mice! Er, no offence, Munchie."

"Hang on, grandad! You still look like a freak!" (upon slaying Dhoulmagus)

"I ain't ever seen snow before. I'm pretty excited, actually. Woo-hooooo!"

"Diamond! First Ascantha an' now this! We're on a banquet roll!" (when Cash and Carrie hold a banquet in Baccarat)

"Casino tokens! For nuffin'! Time to 'it the tables!"

"Why does she 'ave to make me feel like a loser even though I won?" (about Red being a sore loser)

"All I wanna know is where the 'strong curry-luncheon' is!" (upon not comprehending the word "correlation")

"Grandad always looks sour. Ya never know wot 'e's thinkin'."

"Them big icy-colds wot keep droppin' outta nowhere really give me the willies! Wot if one of 'em fell on me 'ead!? I'd get skewered, that's wot! An' then all me brains'd go to waste!"

"That's wot I call a proper doctor, always puttin' 'is patients first. Even when they're no good drunks!"

"I've always loved bein' in 'igh places ever since I was a kid. I feel like I was made for 'em! Normally, when I tell people that, they give me this funny look... and mutter somefin' about it not being very likely that I'll ever be a man in a 'igh place. Beats me, why, though."

"Them Templars look like a nasty bunch awright, but that prob'ly makes 'em good guards."

"I ain't keen on Marcello, but I can't say I go for them bigwigs preachin' at me, neither!" (on High Priest Rolo demeaning Marcello's humble origins)

"I reckon you should live in a big posh mansion like this one day, guv. You deserve to 'ave somewhere nice."

"You're a good bloke, Rolo!" (on the High Priest sacrificing himself to help the party get out of the Purgatory Island dungeon)

"No one puts the guv'ner behind bars! NO ONE! That Marcello's 'istory!"

"Against you 'n' me guv, 'ell be a pushover! Just like all the rest."

"That's the Chancellor of Argonia they've got there! Think o' the reward we'd get if we saved 'im! ... Or am I jumpin' the gun?"

"This is the first time I've ever wished I was carryin' a bit less excess baggage! If we get out of 'ere, I'm goin' on a diet!"

"Mind you, I reckon I could give [Morrie] a run for 'is money when it comes to a monstrous pit! Hah hah!"

"Wherever I travel, Pickham's still me 'ome!"

"I wouldn't mind praying everyday if that's 'ow me prayers was answered."

"Looks like there are some pretty fierce monsters in 'ere. Tends to be the way wiv places that're 'ard to find."

"Maybe the person buried 'ere is a bit unpopular, eh? Maybe 'e weren't too good at the ol' personal 'ygiene." (on seeing the Hero's father's grave on the way to the home of the Dragovians)

"Not that I'm complainin', mind. That was good grub! I'm just feeling a bit cozy round the old midriff."


"We have to hurry! I can't let anyone else die at [Dhoulmagus'] hands!"

"I've never met a king before... Except king Trode, of course. But for some reason, it just isn't the same. I suppose it's his looks!"

"Does this dress suit me? ... You don't think it's too... revealing, do you? Mother called this kind of outfit vulgar!"

"They're nothing alike... Apart from the way they annoy me every time they open their mouths. In that respect they're identical twins." (on Angelo and Marcello)

"Bring your services anywhere near my front and I'll cut them off, you floppy-haired choirboy!" (to Angelo's initial approach)

"[Mother's] obsessed with smuggling me into polite society whether I like it or not."

"Nice try, Angelo."

"I wonder what Dhoulmagus is like. I mean, I know he's a bad guy, but what's he LIKE?"

"Strong but sensitive... gorgeous but modest... riding about on a white horse? But him? HIM?! Don't even get me started!" (on Charmles as a prince)

"I can't stand monsters with lots of eyes. Or slimy, gooey ones. I can't even stand looking at them."

"It isn't an easy thing, coming face-to-face with the man who killed your brother."

"I suspect my intense hatred of Dhoulmagus made it easier for Rhapthorne to take control of me. Negativity is his bread and butter. I think he uses it as a conduit to possess anyone who touches the scepter."

"It's hard to motivate yourself to go into the freezing cold. I should have put on more layers!"

"[Munchie's] cute, smart AND he saves us when we'er in trouble! He's my hero!"

"Love and hate are opposite sides of the same coin."

"I know these tokens are our reward, but I just can't get excited over them. By the time we use them up, we're probably going to be hopelessly addicted to gambling. Before you know it, we'll be shelling out for our own tokens! They'll be the ones turning a profit from us."

"Nice, Angelo. Really nice. How cool and detached you are... just like your brother!"

"The actual owner of the treasure appeared right before our eyes! Does this mean we'll be guilty of robbery if we fight him and take it?" (on Cap'n Crow)

(When an enemy attempts to use Puff puff on Jessica: "But Jessica laughs triumphantly, having won the battle of the bulges!")

"Talk about having friends in high places. He's the son of a Godbird."

"What DOES happen to people who don't behave properly in front of the Lord High Priest? The death penalty? Squashed by the Goddess' giant thumb?"

"Now that they know their sacred Goddess statue was really the Lord of Darkness' tomb all this time, what are people going to believe in?"

"It's a little weird that we haven't seen a single maid in this huge mansion." (in the Chancellor of Argonia's mansion after its inhabitants are captured by trolls)

"This isn't about me anymore... We have to win. Not just for Allistair, but for all of Rhapthorne's victims. And for every living thing in the world of light."

"I want to live as happy a life as I can. I think of it as a way to honor those people whose lives were cut short."

"I only made it this far because I followed my heart."

"Princess Medea is being a bit obstinate, isn't she? I mean, who cares about some dusty old promise? She should just refuse if she doesn't want to get married."

"There's no way [Munchie's] a normal mouse! I can't believe it didn't strike me as odd before!" 

"Can we really do it? Actually, that's not even a question. We HAVE to do it!"

"If I were to throw you in there, your whole body would be skewered. I could make you holier-than-thou without so much as getting my hands dirty." (regarding the iron maiden at Maella Abbey)

"It's as if all the demons of hell had gathered to feast on ... ABBOT FRANCISCO!"

"So, Jessica. From now on, I'll protect you. I won't leave your side. Consider me your personal bodyguard."

"I was so young and innocent then. The whole thing hurt more than you can imagine. Still, c'est la vie..."

"Mourning dress does have some redeeming features. I spy some strikingly pretty faces amidst the drab tones. Perhaps I might be able to cheer one or two of them up."

"A queen so fair, the king hasn't been able to forget her in more than two years? Hmm... I'd like a chance to meet this Ascanthan rose, dead or not."

"You'll understand one day, when you've experienced true love for yourself... Perhaps I could offer my services on that front?"

"I bet they were head over heels in love when they got married. And then she died before they had time to get sick of each other. It's the perfect love story."

"All this death and killing is getting rather tedious."

"My tongue may be smooth and silver, but so is the moon, and it, I concede, is better to look at."

"So that sissy of a king has finally pulled himself together and started to behave like a real man again!"

"[Pickham] is filthy. Let's find this information dealer, Brains, or whatever he's called, and bid farewell to this stench as quickly as we can."

"Jessica, you might have won a good pair in the past, but you'll need more than that to beat my casino hand!"

"I just had this image of Yangus dressed up as a woman! Merciful Goddess! Purge this frightful vision from my tortured mind!"

"I enjoy a conquest as much as the next man, but breaking down the doors of that particular citadel would require more than an attractive horse!" (about Red, innuendo anyone?)

"How about a bit of company during the night, then, if you're so scared? I'll look after you. Keep you nice and warm." (to Jessica)

"The ceiling nearly did irreparable damage to my immaculate features."

"Yangus' testimony!? And which court of law does THAT stand up in?"

"We'll be in trouble too if we don't silence that talentless mole and his truly awful cacophony, pronto!"

"Now we've got ourselves about, why don't we take a bit of a detour? We've only seen half of the world. There's still so much left to enjoy."

"Any grown man who needs to be watched over by an older woman is obviously still tied to his mother's apron strings."

"You can't get any more tight-fisted than a royal."

"Look at me now, babysitting a prince who can't even wipe his own backside." (regarding Charmles)

"What is it with old kingdoms like this? Why do they insist on hanging onto ridiculous traditions like this initiation? Still, at least it isn't anything barbaric, like human sacrifice or something. That said, putting the prince in the ring with anything more dangerous than the common cold seems akin to sacrifice."

"It's [Marcello] who hates me. I don't have any feelings for him at all... None whatsoever."

"By the Goddess! Look behind you! Oh, no! WATCH OUT! Ha ha! Made you look! Anyway, didn't the shock loosen you up a bit? Help you relax?"

"As a knight, I am honor bound not to strike down an opponent who will not defend himself."

"OLD?! Speak for yourself! You're looking at the Goddess's gift to woman kind! Her YOUNG gift to YOUNG woman kind!"

"The perfect excuse for a bit of debauchery, ruined thanks to Jessica. And I was hoping to enjoy it with her!"

"Jewels are like women. The harder they are to get, the more satisfactiion they bring in the end. Half the fun is in the chase, my friend."

"Are you really the reformed crook you'd have us all believe you are, Yangus!? You seem far too good-natured to me. Or did you steal that heart of gold!?"

"As soon as people start getting too big for their boots, any sense of decency they might once have had starts to fester and decay."

"I guess you could say that King Trode's carelessness led to Jessica being possessed by Rhapthorne."

"What a dog! He's a lot more use than a certain king don't you think? And he smells better, too!" (regarding Marta's St. Bernard, Boris)

"All the women here wear far too many layers. Still, I suppose taking them off one by one has its charms, too."

"We have such tragically bad fortune ourselves that I'm sure his mildly unlucky contribution wouldn't make much difference."

"She's hardly a damsel in distress. More like a wrinkled damson in a frumpy dress!"

"A dog controlling a pack of wolves!? Trust Rhapthorne to have ideas above his station."

"As brothers go, Cash is a hundred times better than Marcello."

"Now we can finally wash our hands of this affair. Just as soon as we've collected our compensation, of course!"

"I'll double those tokens. No, I'll even triple them. You know about my poker prowess, don't you?"

"Now we can bet the shirt off Jessica's back on some thrillingly high risk fun!" (at the Baccarat casino)

"We're looking for a dog. Red's more of a fox in my opinion. So why are we here?"

"That woman's intuition is formidable. She'd find out about my other lady-friends before I even learned their names!"

"It all sounds a bit far-fetched to me. Superstitious, at best. But superfluous gibberish would probably be closer to the truth."

"So we climb all this way and finally reach the top, only to be greeted by a monster ugly enough to turn milk sour. I fail to see the appeal of mountaineering."

"All the time back at the abbey, people said [the Lord High Priest] lived above the clouds... now I realize they meant up here, not 'up there'!"

"I really thought Empyrea would lose it when she found out her egg had been crushed. But she was so calm. She just rose above it all. That's exactly the kind of level-headedness you need for poker."

"I don't know if you're a devout believer or just a coward! Either way, praying will get you nowhere, I can assure you."

"There are pheromones in the air. It's unmistakable."

"It's like some kind of sick joke. He's been taken over by the Lord Darkness and now he's going to become head of the Church!"

"Two-to-one. Those are the odds. We got Jessica back, but I'm not going to hold back... but what if he dies?"

"You will go on living, knowing that the brother you despised your whole life took pity on you." (upon saving Marcello in the desert)

"We're on the threshold of a truly epic battle. One or more of us may not be coming back."

"It sounds like our favorite criminal romance remains at the frustrating status of 'just good friends'."

"The chancellor's about to become intimately acquainted with the inner workings of a troll's digestive system!"

"Dear Goddess! I'm being preached at by YANGUS!"

"There's no point in puzzling over which way to go. As long as there's a path in front of you, take it!"

"I suppose it wouldn't hurt to say a little prayer, just for a laugh."

"Maybe I should start the ball rolling and get acquainted with a nice Dragovian girl... Angelo, the Ambassador or Love, at your service! This is how we humans do things down below..."

"There's not enough room for TWO dashing cavaliers around here! Me and this Lord of the Dragovians have got a score to settle now!"

"If there's one thing I hate in life, it's a trial. What kind of masochistic lunatic would come all the way up here to endure a grueling, not to mention tedious, challenge!? ... Oh no! You would, wouldn't you!?"

"You still have the ring, the ring that belonged to your father. Go and show it to King Clavius!"

"Now we've defeated the Lord of the Dragovians, he and I can get down to the important business of determining which of us is the most debonair."

"If you were as enthusiastic about defeating Rhapthorne as you are about the land of the Dragovians, the world would be saved in a flash!"

"This is a bit extreme even for one of your detours, Hero. It almost makes me feel respect for you, rather than my usual irritation. Almost."

"I had hoped these Dragovians would be quite special. It was something about their name. But they're a sorry bunch, really."

"I'm not Hero! Notice my dashing good looks? The glint in my eye? My tendency to smolder captivatingly? I think your eyesight must be going, old girl."

"Are you really going to let this happen? If you ask me, it's your duty as chief of the palace guard to protect the Princess's happiness."

"Sounds like Chen Mui was quite an important chap here, doesn't it? He and King Trode really go to show how you can't judge a book by its cover."

"I'm normally not this agreeable. Maybe I've been around you too long, Hero!?"

"Fools rush in where angels fear to tread."

Said the Meat Head Angelo swindled in Simpleton's bar, "I'm gonna introduce that stuck-up little squirt to the business end o' my knife. Then he'll know what it's like to be a real holey man!"


"A low life like you wouldn't recognize nobility if it came up and bit you on the... arrrgh!" (to Yangus)

"A strange creature!? Are you referring to me?"

"You ignorant imbecile! Don't you realize when my subjects,suffer, I suffer!?"

"Dhoulmagus, you spineless clown! To attack one's own master is an unforgivable offence!"

"You loathsome lowlife! You of all people have no right to call me 'weird'!" (to Yangus)

"That diabolical Dhoulmagus! He's a cold-blooded killer! A soulless savage! A vile villain of the highest order!"

"Premission!? PERMISSION!? YOUR bridge lies within my kingdom, you oaf!"

"I see your mouth is as vulgar as your face!" (to Yangus)

"Just leave him! It's poetic justice! Nay, divine justice!"

"Guv? What is this nonsense!? Are you a complete imbecile? This boy is my retainer!"

"It wouldn't do to stir up the natives again with my extraordinary appearance." (at Peregin Quay)

"If only I didn't look like this, I wouldn't have to rely on you. No doubt I'd get some answers if people knew I was king! Still, it can't be helped that my retainers find the simplest tasks impossible."

"Unhand me at once, you insolent ruffian!" (to Marcello at Maella Abbey)

"What imprudence! You're even more uncouth than that oaf Yangus! Being in your sorry company makes me look all the more dignified!" (to Angelo)

"What!? You sold my daughter!? That's it! Hero! Slay this worthless wastrel!" (to Pickham thief)

"I don't care if it's the Venus' tear or the contents of the Trodain royal vault! My precious Medea is worth a million of either, and more besides!"

"Pay Her off! From your own pocket!"

"We're deeply indebted to Marta. But with my overwhelming charm, it's not surprising she wanted to help us!"

"YOU BLINKERED IDIOT! You'd swap my Princess for those bedraggled mares!?"

"Do not worry, Empyrea. These people serve me, and I order them to rescue your egg!"

"You can scour the world, but you won't find another king who has the Godbird Empyrea as one of his retainers!"

"Through the sagacious and prudent guidance of your wise king, you have acquired the ability to fly."

"You could see off a whole division of cavalry! With your might, invading Ascantha would be simplicity itself! ... Ahem! Merely an example, of course..."

"Receiving help, by which I mean commanding others to provide necessary assistance, forms the basis of my entire philosophy on life."

"I saw you all in action! My wonderful men! You were magnificent!"

"My country's honor matters not one jot compared to [Medea's] happiness."

"[Ishmari] lives in my castle, so he's my subject. It's as simple as that."

"Quite frankly, it would be no bad thing if this entire area were razed to the ground. Including Pickham. It can go to the dogs for all I came. The dogs would be a step up from the rats who run the place now."


"If it's a choice between marrying that twit and being a horse, you can make mine a grass sandwich!"

High Priest Rolo

"You may be Captain of the Templars, but a man of such humble origins as yourself has no place here!" (to Marcello at Savella Cathedral)

"So that confounded Marcello thinks he's too good to pay his bribes now that he's master of the guard to the Lord High Priest!"

"I'm innocent! You should arrest that miscreant!"

"Curse Marcello! That traitor will rot in hell!"

"For the first time in my life, I pray to you from my heart! I beg for your mercy!"


"My guard is watertight. I make sure of that. There's no way for an outsider to get into the abbey."

"Come dawn tomorrow, I will have you tortured. Perhaps then you will realize the gravity of the sins you have committed."

"The luxury of a carefree existence such as yours is not something I can afford." (to Angelo)

"Exile High Priest Rolo to Purgatory Island along with these thugs! They will learn that succession comes at a high price!"

"I'm notoriously bad at taking orders." (after squelching Rhapthorne's attempt to control him with the scepter)

"A king is but a man born into the right family!"

"The Lord High Priest, our kings, our Goddess! All of them reign over us from their exalted thrones! Each one as useless as the next!"

Abbet Francisco

"I have given myself to the Goddess! If it is Her wish, I am prepared to die."


"Stop gov'llin' about on the floor! Be a man!" (in response to Yangus' pleading for Medea to be returned)

Don Mole

"T-take it to the bridge...! Things done... got too far... gone..."


"Y-you brazen plebeian! How dare you mock ROYALTY!? Apologize this instant!" (to Angelo)

"Normally I wouldn't let such base sarcasm go unpunished!"

"One look at your is enough to make me forget all the other beautiful girls I've ever met! I'm the luckiest man in the world to have you as my wife."

"I can't possibly have commoners like you at such a grand royal affair. It's not as if you're aristocracy or wealthy, or, well, anything. Hahaha!"

"How could you be so remiss to let a ragged rabble like them to rout you!? You rotten rascals!" (to downed Templar guards)

Blazeghost (in Dark Ruins)

"The infidels have broken through the dark aura! They must be preparing to attack us..."


"You humans never fail to surprise me."

"In another world I was known as... Ramia."


"What faith you have! Let's put it to the test, shall we?"

"Why if it isn't King 'Troll' and Princess 'Mare-dea'."

"The mare I can see, but you look more like a toad than a troll to me." (upon cursing Trode and Medea)


"You shall taste the terror eternal. Even death shall offer you no respite."


"Get off of me, you disgusting piece of filth! This isn't a chance for you to steal your way into my good books!" (to David)

"I don't know why, but just looking at David's face makes my blood boil."

Dragovian Elder

"You taught us the folly of isolating ourselves simply for the purpose of avoiding sadness and pain."

Lord of the Dragovians

"Had you not confronted me, it would've meant the end of the Dragovian race."

Chen Mui

"Every one of the Dragovians objected, but [Hero's mother] decided to keep the baby." (between this and the death of Empyrea's 'unborn child' at the hands of the demon Gemon who crushed her egg, one might detect a pro-life message in the game's narrative)


"You bring a breath of fresh air to my monstrous pit!"

"You give my monstrous pit a good licking, ay!"

"The tension is really mounting in the pit, ay!"


"When someone comes along who can beat my Healie's Heelies, I know the times have changed. But there's no satisfaction if the fight's too easy, is there? Yes, I remember what it was like in the old days..."


IHTG said...

Dude, stop playing these gay Japanese RPGs and go play Deus Ex for the 20th time like a proper white man

Jokah Macpherson said...

Dragon Quest VIII is the only gay Japanese RPG you consistently reference on your blog that I've never played. Although I don't play RPG's much anymore, I guess I'd better give it a try.

Audacious Epigone said...


One game a year is about all the indulgence I allow myself. I need to keep it that way, thank you.


It's charming and challenging. I don't think you'll be disappointed.

Unknown said...

Screw those calling this game gay. Square Enix makes great games!